Becoming a Complimenter

Optimism is often described as seeing the glass as half full of water. Pointing out things with an optimistic attitude is a path to becoming a complimenter. Not sure if that is a word or not, but that is what I will call a person who gives compliments. People with a natural ability to compliment have always amazed me. They make it seem so easy and always seem to have the compliment at the opportune time to boost the confidence of a team or individual. There have been many books that have highlighted the value of compliments (although the authors may use a different word: encouragement, positive feedback, rewards, etc.) The Inspire Project at Penn State even produced the poster shown on the right to list examples of compliments for children to use.

Compliments add value to the recepient by communicating to them the things they are doing right. It also helps build self esteem and self confidence which everyone needs to be successful. Coaching is most effective when it includes compliments. Coaches will lose effectiveness when all they do is criticize. Balancing compliments with criticism is vital to keeping students engaged. Whenever I give feedback, I end with a compliment to help the student feel successful and encourage them to come back for more feedback. A sensei is powerless if he cannot provide feedback. Growing is demonstrated when behavior changes after receiving feedback.

Beware of the darkside of complimenting. This is when a compliment is used with the intent to manipulate someone into doing what is not "the right thing." Stephen M.R. Covey would refer to this behavior as a "counterfeit" and can quickly lead to a loss of trust. Without trust, you can no longer influence others which will mean your compliments will no longer add value. A easy example of this is when an ex-friend pays you a compliment and you can hear in your head, "What is he trying to do?" or "Why is she saying that?"

I am inspired to look daily for things that others do around me and give compliments generously. It may be good service at a restraunt or just a smile at the toll booth. Practice compliments and it will become easier to be a Complimenter.

Thank you for taking the time to learn about complimenting, you are an inspiration to me.